I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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