you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
