i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
