If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
