I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
