There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
