i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
