some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
