Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
