Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
