I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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