do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
