The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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