first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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