I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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