you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
