It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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