I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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