oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
