She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
