New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
