He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
