All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize