our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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