Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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