Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
