and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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