I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
