and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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