We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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