i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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