3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
