Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
