That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Liz is crying about burritos again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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