Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
