he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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