It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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