you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
