he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
PANTIES FOUND
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
