You're completely useless in the revolution.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
