he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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