I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He felt like a one man threesome
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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