Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
