Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
