from now on my penis is your penis
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Randomize
