I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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