Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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