I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
