some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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