tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
