We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So vagazzling was a success
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
