I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
