Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
