Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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