um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
