Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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