Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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