I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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