Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
