he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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