just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize