When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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