god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
