This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
