My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
