Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
