Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
