the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
soo... how was my night?
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