Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
