Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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