and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
