Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
