office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
