wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
