So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
