I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
