Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize