he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
