At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i have herpe
just one?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
