i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
what the fuck happened to the tacos
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
