I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
