You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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