dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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