Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
