Soap is not a condiment
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
