I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
