naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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