hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
