I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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