How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
