This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
