When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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