u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
