Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
