You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
