Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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