Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
