Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
