More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
