He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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