The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize