just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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