I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
