I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
