I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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